Sometimes it is hard

Where does the time go? Here I am, almost 1 year from the birth of my grandson, June 9^th, and it hardly seems possible he is "so big!" already. Walking, laughing, saying a few words…who knows, anything is possible! I say that because I really don't know, I have precious little contact with them from here in Honduras. If it sounds like I am whining, well, I am! I am a Grammy missing her grandkids something fierce! Meanwhile, here I am gaining "god children" as that is what they are to me when I have the privilege of 'tending' their birth. I think I am up to 14 or 15 now, up to 3 years old and down to just a few weeks old. What a life!! I have great joy in what I do here, there is such variety I will never have another job to compare, I'm sure. So why so down cast, oh my soul? I suppose it is all very normal for someone living on "foreign" soil, in a culture one didn't grow up in, surrounded by islanders that are basically all family to each other, and living with just a few other gringos that can understand the strangeness of it all! I imagine it has something to do with knowing that much life is going on "up there" that I have no part in, nor will I ever really catch up on, either. Nieces graduating from college, or off to Japan or India, going into High School, starting to date, having birthdays, boyfriend crisis'… Sometimes I wonder if I am having any significant impact here to offset what I am missing back 'home'; but then I remember that I am not here because of what I can do here for others. Nor am I here for what I can gain out of this experience. I am here simply because my Lord said, nearly 5 years ago, "Who will go?" And I replied, "Here I am, send me!" I don't ask for pity, for nobody in their right mind would pity me. I don't want advice as to whether to stay here or to go back to the states, for it is neither my decision, nor yours anyways. What I would love and appreciate is prayers for endurance, for peace, and for much joy in the work of His call on my life. And maybe for my son and daughter (in-law) to email me more often, preferably with pictures of those absolutely beautiful grandkids of mine!